the judgment seat

This past Sunday was an interesting day in church for me. I met Garrett at the 11:45 service and we sat up towards the front like we always do since he was POD(pastor on duty). Anyway, after worship we took part in the "meet and greet" time like normal. Behind us was sitting a very friendly older couple..not that old..like mid 60's I would say.

After we sat down as Rick was announcing that Kris Allen was on American Idol and everything I decided to turn my phone on silent like all good church-goers do....when suddenly a hand grabs my shoulder and this man is speaking very forcefully into my ear(the old man from behind).

and he said "Unless you’re talking to Jesus on that you need to put that up!! That is disrespectful and it is time to worship!!" Garrett and I were both shocked...we thought the nice old man was going to lean up and whisper some encouraging words in our ears or ask a question. Not at all the case.....clearly.

I was shocked by the way I reacted to this situation....first of all..I felt like I was about five years old, and like I was a completely disrespectful and rebellious kid that needed correcting. On a deeper level, my spirit was kind of crushed, and frustrated. It may seem like an overemotional response to this man's harsh words....but I just couldn't help it. I even started to cry a little...pathetic huh? What was even worse was that I heard nothing that Pastor Rick was preaching about because the whole time I sat there in fear that the old man was going to jump over the seat and chastise me for putting on lotion or my chapstick! Plus, I was just not in the mood to hear anything spiritual after my experience with this man.

After church I was in no mood to hang out and "chat" with people about my weekend. All i wanted to do was go home and be alone, and get out of church as soon as I could. I was really annoyed that this short encounter with this man had caused such a reaction in my spirit.

As I drove home I asked the Lord why in the world I was reacting in this way. What a waste of a perfectly great Sunday morning. What He showed me was invaluable to me.

I've grown up in church my entire life. My parents have always been elders in the church or at least in a position of leadership where everyone knew my last name. I felt accepted, if not important. I rarely walked into church feeling uncomfortable or like the "other." This was the lens through which I saw the church and Christians in general. I was one of them. I never understood why people (believers or unbelievers) judged Christians or church on one bad experience. It seemed juvenile to me that someone would base an opinion off of a single experience.

On Sunday I knew for the first time what that felt like. The emotions that came along with that experience shocked me because I am a fairly un-emotional girl, I feel like I have my head screwed in pretty straight and typically don't take random experiences like that to heart. With that said, I had such a bad taste in my mouth after this experience that I really think if I didn't come from the background that I do, I would have easily walked out of church and maybe never come back. To that church at least. Even though that seems like an overzealous reaction, people do that. People that are not used to church process in ways that are not always rational. As do we all....and sometimes all we have is one chance to show them the love of Christ.

So Sunday I got a little taste of what it could feel like to be the "other" in church. It made me realize that I need to really take advantage of every opportunity that I have with people. Whether inside the church, or outside of the church. It convicted me that as Christians, we need to be known for our extravagant love and acceptance of people instead of what we are against (abortion, homosexuals, blah, blah, blah) our opinions or our judgments. After all, Christ says that it's by our love that the world will know that we are from Him. (John 17)

So thank you, old crazy man, for letting me have that experience. It opened my eyes and allowed me to have a little taste of what people experience when they encounter believers that for whatever reason, have allowed judgement to get in the way of love.

my new year's resolution

May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

Something that I have been very aware of lately is the words that I speak...and the thoughts that I think. That may sound really obvious...like...aren't we all aware of the things we speak about and think about on some level?? Yeah, of course, but I've just been more aware of if the words I am speaking out are negative or positive, and then a step deeper...whether the thoughts that go on inside my head are positive or negative. In Mimi Ghormley's language these would be called "words of life" and "words of death."

Things I speak out I am alot more aware of than the thoughts I have(obviously)...because most of us temper what we say according to the people were around. I was convicted the other day after reading this verse that I often am not speaking out "words of life", about people, situations, frustrations, etc. I find it common, especially in Christian circles, that it's easier to talk about people if we preface it with something like, "your the only one I'm really confiding this in" or "I just want you to know so you can pray" or "I'd like to get your wisdom on this situation." I realized that more often than not I don't really need peoples wisdom because I already know what I think and then how the Lord wants me to handle a situation. I'm not saying that I never think it's ok to confide in people or get wisdom in confidence if those are truly your motivations, but they are not always mine.

When I have conversations in which I speak negatively about something or someone I just walk away feeling icky. I don't wan't to be that kind of person. I want to see the best in situations and people. I want to speak life over peoples lives and over my own. The bible says that the power of life and death is in the tongue. I've just decided I need to take that seriously.


Thoughts are an entirely different ballgame. However, I want my thoughts to be pleasing to the Lord as well. I wan't to be really aware of the things that go on inside my head, because they frame the way I see situations and people. For example, I've been dreading going back to Grad School. Sometimes I just don't enjoy reading and taking tests and always working on assignments. Instead I've decided to think positive thoughts and be thankful I can even be in school. This may seem simple, but I think if I apply this verse to my life in these areas, I will not only speak life over peoples lives and my own, but my thoughts will be pleasing to the Lord and will in turn frame my life in his viewpoint.

So I decided to start blogging.....

I've been debating about doing a blog lately. Obviously I decided to do it. I know that alot of people avoid blogs, and facebook, and texting and twittering because they don't wan't to give into the latest craze. I used to be like that, but it wasn't because I didn't want to follow a trend. Rather, it was because I am technologically illiterate. Now that I realize that blogs are so simple, maybe I should have done it earlier...oh well.

The main reason I decided to blog was because I process things well when I write them out. Lately I have been too lazy to take the time to journal things....unless they are really significant. I just get wrestless after like a page of handwriting things. So this blog is more to help me process my life than it is to impress people with the deep things that I can write about or the important things that go on in my life. It's also to help me attempt to stay in touch with my emotions. Garrett and I have figured out that I am great at assessing other people and helping them work through emotions but I forget to assess my own emotions about things. Then they get overwhelming and I break down. Not a fun process.

It's kind of sad how technology has taken the place of things like letters. I used to love getting letters in the mail, from my pen pals. haha. Seriously, I had so many pen pals...I can still remember some of their addresses by heart. The other day my mom ( sweet mimi ghorms) found a letter my grandmother had sent to me. ( the reason she sent it was b/c i was collecting stamps at the time.....dork) Anyway, it was from a soldier writing during world war 1 home to his girlfriend. He had beautiful cursive writing, and used GREAT words, and he was really witty. It was interesting just to see how times have changed.

Well, thats all for now folks.....